Day 2.5 : For once, I don't feel alone. Atleast not like before.

Ah.. What should I tell him now?

This is a mess. If I lie, it's only gonna be worst, right? I should just tell him.

"I walk to school today?"
"What?! You should've call. I can pick you up...somewhere."

He must have been worried for awhile when I said I walked to school. Sorry, Rillakuma.

"So you walk alone?" He asked.
"Nah.. My dad walks with me."
"Ouh, so he was okay then?"
"I don't know. He was pretty much still very angry at me too."
"Oh... Be patience, okay.."
"Okay.."
"So how are you going tomorrow?"
"I don't know...I'm still in a mess. But its okay. Tomorrow my friend will fetch me if i still have to walk."
"Oh... That's good then."

I don't know what he was really feeling back then, but his last reply sounded solemnly down. But, I think I...made him feel bad about us.

We chatted for a while. And then later, me and my friend went home. My mom is still very much angry at me so she is ignoring me.

I need to give her some time to calm down after all. Time is what we need... That's what I trust.

While settling down my things, my phone vibrates again for incoming messages from him. He asked me if I have safely reached home.

I don't deny that one part of me was being oversensitive, I was still thinking maybe Rillakuma felt bad about us thus he texted me to make sure I've reached home safely. Yea... I know, paranoia much of me.

But then again, it was also a really heart warming moment for me. I felt as if he was sitting near me, talking and chatting with me. For once, I don't feel alone. Atleast not like before.

Day 2.4 : Maybe I was selfishly only thinking of myself, but he must have felt bad in a way when he hears that from me that time.

Eventhough I have my friends with me, I couldn't hide the fact that I am still very much hurt by what my family did to us.

My classes ends but I don't want to go back home yet. I stayed in the library with the excuse of studying at school. Glasses offer to accompany me. Yea... I was very thankful of her kindness for me.

Sitting there while trying to read some history notes, my phone vibrated for a moment. I looked at the screen. It was a text message from Rillakuma.

He asked me,"Are you okay? Feeling better now??"

My heart sank. What should I tell him now? Should I just lied that I'm okay?No?

Slowly I was tearing up again. It was a good thing that we only texted each other that time. You would know what I mean.

"Not really. But I'm fine."
"What happened? :("
"Well, she doesn't even want to look at me."
"Oh... Let her some time to calm down then."
"Yea I know."

Maybe I was selfishly only thinking of myself, but he must have felt bad in a way when he hears that from me that time.

"So, how's school?"
"Not bad. It's a little tiring though."
"Eh? Assignments much?"
"No, silly. When has I ever lamented about tiring assignments anyway..."
"Okay, then, what was it?"

Oh, shoot! I should have just go along with the assignment thingie. What should I say now...?

Day 2.3 : Its something simple to learn about friendship

I hide my face, covering them with my hands as I continue to cry bitterly. Pillow who was sitting closest to me hug me and gently pat my back. The rest of them kept silent.

I didn't see it but I somehow knew they were feeling down like me. After awhile, I finally calmed down. When I look up, they are crying with me. We laughed at each others teary faces.

Then, Chicky asked,
"Feeling better now?"

I nodded and wipe off the tears from my face.

"Kitty, you must be brave and be patient.. You will find your way in this. We are here with you, okay," said Sweet.

"Yes, I know. Thank you."

"Anything don't hesitate to tell us," says Cheer.

"Yea, all of us will be your listeners," says Pillow.

"Don't be sad okay," Glasses said,"You look better when you smile."

At this, I smiled again. I know how lucky I am to have them with me at times like this.

This is what friends do, when we are happy, we laugh together, when one of us is down, we cry together.

Its something simple to learn about friendship that not everyone understand because not everyone.... Is lucky enough to find such friends in life.

Thank you for existing in my life. I will remember all of you forever.

Day 2.2 : This situation, this fear... It does happen in reality...

I remember not long before, when I was watching a drama, the heroine of the show would keep talking nervously about random things with a smiling face whenever she was afraid. At one of the scene, she cried silently and when she was found out, again she started talking about random things nervously.

She keeps talking and talking nervously while her tears is still streaming down. She only stop when the hero hold her shoulder and asked her what is she afraid of. At this, she cried even more and gently she says,

I was afraid if you would be angry at me... 

I thought this kind of situation and these emotions, they will only happens in a drama. I really thought that way....

************************************
For a moment, I was really shocked. It was like nothing happened at all. I could even smile when they congratulate me about us.

I sat down and my five cute bubbly friends look at me eagerly, waiting for me to tell the story. Well, I should introduce them first.

The fluffy one sitting next to me is Pillow. The one infront of me is Glasses. On the left side, we have Sweet and then there's Chicky and Cheer.

I didn't know what to say. I look at them with a puzzled feeling.

"Don't you have anything to tell us today?" said Chicky.
"Yea.. Okay, how long have you known each other?" asked Cheer.

"5 years I think.."

"5 years?! Wow!!! That's a really long time!!" Pillow exclaimed.

"Well, I guess we took quite sometime to understand this...both of us."

"Who was the one to confess first?" Sweet finally asked. I didn't know why, but I start talking. In a quick pace.

"I did. I was the one who confess first. I was the one who say yes.."

"Woah... Slo.."
"I was the one who is stupid enough to believe my family would accept us. I was the one who told them straight away when I started to be in a relationship."
"Hey, Kitty.."
"I was the one who have to choose between him and my family in the same day. I was the one who told him about everything on the first day of our relationship. What should I do now? I must have broke his heart... What should I do? Can anyone tell me what should I do now? Please... Any of you... Tell me what to do..."

I couldn't hold it in afterall. It happen just like the scene in the drama.

Because you was afraid, you start talking faster and faster. Because you were actually worried, you smile subconsciously to hide it. Even when you start shaking in nervousness, you just keep talking. And then, tears will start to fall and it's getting even harder to breathe, yet you still don't stop a word. This situation, this fear... It does happen in reality....

Day 2.1 : But I know its impossible to turn things around now.

Its Monday. A start of a new week. I wake up early as I get myself ready for school. Mom still doesn't want to look at me. I understand. She's probably think I wronged her too much. At the thought of this, I sighed.

Well, whatever it is, I still need to get to school anyway. School doesn't wait. After I've get myself ready, I walk my way to school. For the first time, I walk myself to school.

I tried to forget it. What happen yesterday... For a moment, I hope nothing happen at all. But I know its impossible to turn things around now.

Ah, right. My friends... I promise I would tell them all about it today. How should I tell them now?

I was so immersed in my thoughts, I didn't even realised when one of my friend suddenly jump at me and hugs me. I was stunned by the sudden commotion. I can't even remember who hugged me back then.

The only thing that I heard was,"Congratulations Kitty! I still can't believe it but I am so happy for you."

Upon hearing that, I smiled.

************************************
Okay, here's a short unrelated story. I thought it might be interesting so yea, do read on!

In the early time of my highschool years, I used to hate arts. I used to fail the subject because I hated every single theory about it.

It was until that one day, I saw my crush, well first crush, drawing on a piece of paper. The drawing wasn't really that amazing but I was somewhat amazed by his passion and naturally I tried to draw.

Art is really addictive. The uglier my drawing turns out, the more I want to get better than my current state. I was still in the early stage of catching my interest in arts but I caught someone else interest instead. My crush!

Apparently he start to take notice of me when I was busy struggling to draw. He is a nice guy. He asks for my opinion about his work and he gives me useful way to improve my drawing.

Maybe I was embarrassed when my crush is helping me that way, I was quite harsh to him. Well, up to the point, I remember he did said, "Even if every girl in this world has ceased, I still won't date her!" I remember how I angrily replied," Like you are the only guy in this world that would date me! Don't think of yourself so highly!"

Okay... Maybe I was too harsh on him. But then, the funny turns of event.. We did dated for awhile. He is surprisingly sweet but we still end quite abruptly.

It was really my fault. I was too scared to be serious, we are both so young! And after the breakup, I felt more comfortable being his friend and I realise I was plainly admiring him for being himself all this time, not that kind of feeling for him. Too bad he was thinking otherwise...and it started to became creepy and ended in a really bad way.

Let's not talk about him now. On the bright side, I get more and more interested with arts and the happiest part, I got A+ for my art subject in my finals! For a person who used to fail in arts like me, it was really one of best memory of my highschool life.

Well, I guess I need to thank my first crush for inspiring me back then. I wouldn't have end up enjoying drawing and arts if it wasn't for you!

Day 1.5 : I can felt it... Eventhough it was merely through his one text.

I am still thinking about what should I do next? As I think about it the more, my tears keep coming non stop. I stare at my phone.

Should I tell him? He will be heartbroken if he knew...But who else can I talk to?

No. This isn't right. Things like this isn't something I should hide. If I start hiding things from him now, I will hide even more things from him in the future. He would hate it even more if I did that.

I pick up my phone. I wanted to call but I don't want him to hear my crying voice. I texted him instead.

"Hey, you busy now?"
"No... Doing work now. Why? Is everything alright? :)"

I was trying to hold it in, but that question... That one question throws me back at reality. My tears start to fall again. How I wish he was here with me...

With trembling hands, I carefully type out every word I want to say.

"I'm not okay..."
"What happen?"

I told him everything. How my family reacted about us. How they disapprove of us. Everything.

As I read his reply, I cry even more. I can felt it. How hurt he is hearing all that from me. And how helpless he felt for not being able to console me and be by my side that time. I can felt it... Eventhough it was merely through his one text.

In a situation like this, we don't have much choice to choose. We don't want my family to hate us, and we don't want to let go either. In the end, we chosed a choice. To stay together. To be with each other. Eventhough we must lie about us.

He might not know this, but I felt that I have wronged him so much that time. How can I did this to him? To us?

Having him to learn the harsh truth from me, to have to lie for me and accept all this without a single lament... A guy like him, Why is he so kind to me?

That night... I cry myself to sleep. I think I found him. A guy who will truly loves me but... I've hurt him right from the first day. I'm sorry my Rillakuma. Sorry for hurting you like this. Sorry.

Chapter 3: Sports day (part 1).

    Today was tiring, been in the library whole day. To be précis, was doing nothing important, but since I don't have a laptop yet, so I do all my chatting, games in the library. This is the 2nd week I'm in school, and yet something felt not right about it. Yes, I don't have a female friend!

After the first day of my classes, there's female started to enter the class. thank god I'm not the only female. That night I promise myself, that tomorrow, I will try to make some female friends, even if only 1 of them.

When I was about to sleep, I got a text message. I opened my eye, and unlock my phone to read the message. As i read it, i just ignore the text and started to curse the person who send me the text. "Why can't you leave me alone?!" It was another ex of mine text, that saying we need to talk. I started to flashback what actually happen to us, and we're one of the happy couple that was always go viral in school.

"we need to end it here, I'm having exam soon, and you too, you're on your O level."

"but we don't really do anything to be distracted. I'm even helping you with your study"

"Look, I just don't like you no more OK"

"IF it so, you should've said so, goodbye."

That was it, end of our relationship between me and Jackson. Jackson was my younger brother best friend, the gap between us is two years, but that doesn't stop us from occasional date. We use to go for swimming, play badminton or tennis together with our big group of friends. Since we're over, I haven't seen any of our friends.

I still remember how he told me about his feelings. " From the day i saw you at my aunty birthday party, i felt in love with you. My feeling is so strong and i can't take my mind of you". It was brave and sweet of him.

Anyway, time to sleep. New things awaits for tomorrow

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This Saturday is 'Sports Day'. I want all of you to participate in. This will give you extra attendance", said my lecturer. Some of the class pupil are excited, some of them aren't.

As I have motivate myself today, to gain at least one girlfriend, there's two girls sitting in front of me. I find one of them is pretty. She's chocolate in color, with almond shaped eye and she have natural pink lips. She's quite tall and slim, also she seems pretty young.

I approach them and started to exchange about our self. The one I just described her name is Mirari and her friend name is Darling. I enjoyed talk to them till the end of class, and of course in the same time I was peeping at Abraham.

As the lecturer is done with his teaching, Mirari tried to understand the lesson she just learn. As she don't understand my explanation, immediately she called out Abraham name, and she asked him to come to her side and I was sitting beside her. Can you imagine my feeling? Somehow I was jealous, but since I have confirm he's not her boyfriend, my feeling kind of calmed down. He came and teaches her and she understood it. Meanwhile he looked at my face and smiled. "Damn it! are you trying to kill me here by giving me heart attack?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Home, here I rush! I'm starving and also tired. after my class, I hang out with Mirari and Darling, also included Simpson in. He's pretty cool as a friend, yet there's something weird about him. He always want to be around me. To be honest, I can't say if he likes me, or maybe he just feel close to me, you know like best friend.

Anyway, it's already 2.00am, I need to sleep since i have early class tomorrow, and as usual, I will come early to class and to stalk on Abraham <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I walk to the library after class, I was thinking, what should I wear tomorrow for the Sport's Day? Of course, tracksuit and t-shirt? Hmm, maybe my favorite shirt, Tom Sticker. OK, now it's set!

I choose a computer which is close to the meeting room, there's 5 of them and I choose the first one to the right. After some hours, another guy came and use the computer 3rd from right, or also the center. As I was busy looking for some idea for my design, the guy beside me tries to ask me something, and since the place we seat is close by to the meeting room, and also to the library counter, he decided to write to me.

It goes like this:

"I'm sorry for disturbing, please, how do I edit PDF file?"

"It's OK. convert it to words doc, then you can edit. you can convert online, just search for it"

"thank you"

"welcome"

"Are you single"

Honestly, I am single that time, and I was like, what should I answer? yes? If he ask details? What about no? He might disturb me later on.

"No, I'm not"

"Oh, he is very lucky to have such a beautiful angel by his side, as he walks to the journey of life"

"LOL, thanks"

"Please, can I have your number?"

"No, my boyfriend would'nt want me to do so. I got to go. Goodbye"

I packed my things and rush to the exit. Immediately he followed me and ask about my boyfriend and I was looking for a good lie which I came across to one lie.

"His name is Abraham, and he's also my classmate"

"Abraham? how does he look like?"

"Taller than me, light chocolate color, brow eye and also brown hair. He wore blue today. And his closest friend is Ringo"

"Oh, OK"

I walk off, and suddenly it just cross my mind! What if they're friends?! Or if they even know each other? What if he's Ringo's friend?! OMG! I'm doomed! As I was thinking all this, Abraham pass by with his friend at a distance. Immediately I hide myself in the nearby restroom. If anyone should see my face, they might think I just saw a ghost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, today is Sport's day, should I go? I'm scared the guy yesterday might told him. What should I do? Let me pretend I'm sick and I can skip it, but I like sports :(

End up, I decided to go. As I walk to the school gate, and there's Abraham. He saw me and gave me a weird smile. Believe me, my knees are shaking. He came and approach me.

"Hey what's up?" while we shake like rugby players.

"I'm good. and you?"

" I just found out yesterday that, uhm....." My face turn pale, like I was sick or something. My heart beats so fast that I almost got heart attack!

"that the venue for the sport change"

"Oh, no. It's still the same court. Let me get there. Bye"

"Alright"

As I walk to the court, I saw a big group heading towards .......

                                                                  ~> to be continued <~ 

Day 1.4 : Everything is for the sake of my happiness...

I am still dazzled in happiness. We are in a relationship now. A boy girl relationship. My phone rings again. I happily picked it up and look at the screen.

Rillakuma just texted me again. Aww... I want to meet him already. But I can't, mom just went out to send Mimi to the train station. I have to stay at home to look after the kids. Sighs...

I read what he texted me. "Should we make it official on Facebook?" He asked.

I reply a short yes. I didn't really care if anyone knew about us, but since he has asked, I wouldn't say no right. Okay, fine... I admit it. I was hoping he did want to make our relationship known in public.

I don't want to hide. About him being the one I like or who I am to him now, I don't want to hide it. To be able to have an open relationship with the person I like is my dream. So, this is it. My first moment of happiness :)

There are various reaction coming from people around me upon knowing me having this interracial relationship.

Some of my cute bubbly friends congratulate us and demand that I tell them about it in person at school tomorrow. Hahaha.. How cute of them..

Some asked if I was serious about it or I'm just desperate to be in a relationship. I know I should be mad about this that time, but I was too happy at the moment so instead, I just laugh and said in a glee way,"No, I'm serious with him. And what do you mean desperate? Are you desperate for me to punch you in the face right now? XD"

There are new people who starts following me and some even add me as friends on Facebook. I think those are his Facebook followers and friends who wanted to know who is this person that suddenly appear to be Rillakuma's girlfriend.

There are also some who stand neutral. They neither support us nor hate us about it. They are just silently watching as we continue in our relationship. Most of them have known me for quite a long time.

But of course, not everyone is very open minded towards us, our relationship. There are a few who give negative comments about us and some immediately stop any interaction with me.

It hurts but I thought it will be fine eventually. No matter how the people out there look at us, at the very least...my family will accept us, right? They will understand my decision, right?

I end up lying to myself again. An interracial relationships like us is nothing but a puppy love to them. They don't even care how I truly feel. They just don't.

Relatives start questioning the worthiness of my existence, some even say I betrayed the Hello Kitty family. My siblings they don't want to know why, they only care about what is happening next that will affect our family. My parents, Mama Kitty and Papa Kitty... I don't know what to say.

They scolded me. Lecture me and even for the first time my mom cry over me. They finally came up to a decision. They want me choose between Rillakuma and them. If choose Rillakuma, I must leave the Hello Kitty world immediately.

But how was I supposed to choose. One side is my family, the other side is the person I like. Why are they doing this to me? Why?

I was blank. I cried silently. I slowly come back to my sense and think.

I start to understand why and see things clearly.

An immature relationship like this won't have a future. We are both so young, what can he give to promise me my happiness in the future? And what can I give him in return..? The answer is clear. We don't know.

With just this point, my parents and family insist we should end this now. With us still so immature and naive to this world, its best to end it while we are still in the early stage of it. The sooner we end this, the lesser it hurts. And everything... Everything is for the sake of my happiness...

At that moment, reality came slamming in my face. I realized now how naive I am to the think that a relationship is something between two person.

I was wrong. A relationship isn't just about two person, it's about two different world trying to be one. It's about having the courage to be committed for each other. Its about accepting the difference between us.

My family, they don't actually know what will happen in my future. They are just worried about the worst that could happen to me if I continue this bluntly.

I know they were worried but at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder. What if our relationship last longer than everyone expected? What if I can be happy with him? What if he is the one...?